One of my closest friends died suddenly on Sunday, four days before Thanksgiving. As I struggle to figure out what to be thankful for during the hardest time in my life, I’m reminded of all that she did for me — and for everyone.
I was kind of hoping they would cancel Thanksgiving this year.
I know that's selfish, but on Wednesday, when I watched one of my best friends get buried, her loved ones wracked with grief, the thought of sitting around a table and talking about why I'm thankful over mashed potatoes felt like the punch line of a fucked-up joke. And so the idea of focusing on gratitude when there is so much pain in my heart strikes me as absurd.
But Thanksgiving isn't canceled. And though my body aches with the loss of someone who has been central to my life for the past decade, I know that I do a disservice to my friend by focusing solely on my pain instead of on all of the wonderful things she brought to my life — to so many people's lives. The truth is, I had Roxy Roknian as a best friend and confidante for 10 years, and I am a better person for it. As hard as it is to celebrate the holiday, I am so, so grateful for that.
With our friend Matt, November 2004.
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