I’m not gonna say my poop turned orange. But things were…different.
Chris Ritter / BuzzFeed
If I remember my history correctly, the very first pumpkin spice latté was made and consumed at the first Thanksgiving in 1621 — a sweet, drinkable soup made of chunks of squash and squirrel.
Re-imagined by the scientists at Starbucks in 2004 (now with less squirrel), the pumpkin spice latté has evolved into a delicious drink that warms the empty hearts of millions of consumers across the world every day. And now, it's only a small part of a pervasive pumpkin spice culture that's come to dominate our very existence. (Don't believe me? You can buy pumpkin spice soap now. SOAP. You can literally bathe in pumpkin spice. DO YOU SEE WHAT WE'VE DONE? DO YOU SEE THE HELL THAT WE'VE WROUGHT?!)
To honor the season of pumpkin spice and pay homage to the pumpkin gods that I fully admit to worshipping without question, I set out to cleanse my soul with the pure restoring power of pumpkin by eating nothing but foods imbued with its delicious flavor for 72 hours.
Why?
Because our devotion to pumpkin season cannot be taken for granted; it must be tested. If our love is pure, our commitment unshakeable, shouldn't we be able to entirely immerse ourselves in all things pumpkin for 72 hours and still have the will to live?
1. For 72 hours, everything eaten must have some essential element of pumpkin: pure pumpkin purée, pumpkin spice flavor, or pumpkin butter. Water is allowed, but any other drink, like coffee, should be sprinkled with a dash or more of pumpkin pie spice.
2. Every day, you must pay homage to the pumpkin spice goddess by burning one empty Starbucks pumpkin spice latté cup in her name.
3. No throwing up.
4. No crying.
5. Make friends and have fun.
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