I mean it can’t hurt.
Location Earth Dog Tags
For the modest price of $12.99, you too can own a Location Earth dog tag necklace, on which "several methods of locating Earth in the Galaxy" have been engraved. This looks to be a line drawn from Earth's positioning in the planetary system to two waving people and then on to the United States of America, like, "drop us here."
The situation in which this necklace is helpful is if your alien captors WANT to bring you home, but are like "LOL where did we get you again?" What's great is that the site's owner offers a full $12.99 refund in the event you are abducted, but never make it back to Earth.
In this guidebook to defending oneself against alien abduction, author Ann Druffel elaborates on the nine techniques she argues have been successfully used by abductees to prevent/halt alien abductions. These include:
Mental Struggle: Block their mind control
Physical Struggle: Fight back
Righteous Anger: Summon your inviolate rights
Protective Rage: Guard your loved ones
Support from Family Members: Seek strength in numbers
Intuition: Sense them coming
Metaphysical Methods: Create a personal shield
Appeal to Spiritual Personages: Get help from on high
Repellents: Use time-tested fend-off substances
If it seems ill-advised, marketing-wise, to list all nine methods in the item description on Amazon, think again: what are the time-tested fend-off substances she's referring to? (Could milk be one? It could be!) You do not even know without buying this book.
Via amazon.com
Pleading the blood of Jesus Christ.
Simply saying the name "Jesus Christ" (or, in this case, pleading the blood of Jesus Christ) is suggested as a solution to potential alien abduction a lot more often than you might expect.
A Thought Screen Helmet.
Here is inventor Michael Menkin wearing his invention, which is called a Thought Screen Helmet. The Thought Screen Helmet does not prevent abduction, exactly, but it DOES prevent the aliens who've abducted you from reading your thoughts, which is something.
The great news is that you can make a Thought Screen Helmet yourself. You will need a helmet and a layer of Velostat (estimated cost: $25). The 10-step assembly process ends with an important reminder: "Apply tape to any areas that need reinforcement. Remember, you will sleep with the hat on."
User testimony: "Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society."
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