Friday, May 30, 2014

33 Stages You Go Through When You Spend The Night At The Airport

Welcome to the longest night of your life.


1. Deny reality: This will be fun! (It won't)

2. Accept fate: Realize this won't be fun.

3. Sprint to Wolfgang Puck Gourmet Express: You plead with the kitchen to stay open just long enough to "give you some chicken tenders or something."

4. Commiserate with fellow WPGE patrons: You're not the only one who is stuck. Last time I met a couple who had been trying to leave the city for 34 hours straight. Haha I wonder if they are still at the airport.

5. Regret your past: How did I end up here? Maybe I shouldn't have scheduled a flight when I saw the forecast. Maybe I should have chosen the other airport or driven. Maybe life is full of mistakes that we can't take back.

6. Walk through the entire terminal: This is your home now. Welcome! I hope you like it. You can't leave.


7. Claim the best outlet-encampment that is close but not too close to the restroom.


7. Claim the best outlet-encampment that is close but not too close to the restroom.


Outlets next to seats are great, but the problem with seats is that other people will be around you too. Try the outlet under the pay phones. No one will bother you there.


Nathan W. Pyle / Via buzzfeed.com


8. Defeat rival outlet-seekers: Stand on your toes to make yourself look bigger and intimidate them. Also this may involve diverting competing parties by telling them there's a 24-hour Cinnabon in Terminal E. (THERE ISN'T)

9. Form alliances: You'll need someone to watch your back, especially if you're going to fall asleep. Find someone with whom you have something in common. Try leading with something like, "Hey! You are stuck in an airport? ME TOO."

10. Reinforce alliances by sharing useful information: Such as, "There's soap in the middle dispenser."

11. Write and Tweet a haiku about your experience thus far:


Soulless blue carpet

A Shuttered Duty Free store

I r'gret my choices


12. Wedge yourself into a position in which you can sleep while maintaining contact with your luggage.


12. Wedge yourself into a position in which you can sleep while maintaining contact with your luggage.


Secretly hope that someone tries to steal your bag so you can wake up and say, "Not so fast." (A phrase you've been dying to say for years.)


Nathan W. Pyle / Via buzzfeed.com




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