A highly scientific conversation.
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"Alabama should really just be its own country at this point."
"I dated someone from Alabama and he was missing a side tooth."
"Everyone in Alabama has gotten their entire bodies stuck in mud at least thrice."
"Babies come out of the womb with shoulder pads and helmets."
"Holding a glass of sweet tea."
"Probably the kindest baby you'll ever meet."
"If you're from Alaska and you don't know how to fish and hunt, I just don't even know what you're doing with your life."
"People from Alaska are probably very resourceful."
"Their cheeks are always red."
"They've probably never heard of Ryan Seacrest."
"I feel like I'm sweating just thinking of Arizona."
"I stepped off a plane in Arizona once and it was literally the hottest day of my life."
"They are all aware of how to survive a scorpion attack, which is something no one else knows."
"I've never been to Arizona, but I picture it being identical to the surface of Mars, just with snakes."
"Everyone drives used cars in Arizona."
"Arkansas is Bill Clinton."
"I can't point to Arkansas on a map. No idea where it is."
"I forget Arkansas is a state all the time."
"Sounds like a pirate Kansas."
"Everyone in Arkansas is ready and willing to give you whatever ingredient you need to finish your cookies."
"Everyone in Arkansas is the best neighbor you'll ever have."
"Nothing to eat in California but avocados and tacos."
"Northern California makes cold look glamorous."
"Everyone's got a pool in their backyard, even when they don't."
"Eighty-seven percent of Californians' conversations involve the words 'animal style.'"
"People from California will throw up in their mouths if they spot someone eating a Twinkie."
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"Colorado strikes me as a place with a lot of streams."
"And a lot of weed."
"You are only allowed to wear flannel in Colorado."
"People from Colorado have really great Instagram feeds."
"They invented the #nofilter hashtag."
"Connecticut is the part of New England that the rest of us pretend isn't really part of New England."
"Connecticut has a lot of gazebos."
"Every household has three pairs of Ugg boots."
"I really want to fart loudly in front of someone from Connecticut."
"Does it truly exist?
"Delaware is the Ann Veal of states."
"Egg?"
"Florida has a lot of GUSTO."
"People fighting gators fighting people."
"A beautiful, beautiful mixture of the world's craziest people."
"If Florida were a person, that person would be a star on MTV."
"Florida is the Real World of planet Earth."
"Georgia has nice old ladies and girls in big dresses."
"Also REM."
"Right now there's an old granny sitting on her porch in her rocking chair, watching her puppy run in the fields."
"She's saying that she knows it's going to rain because she can 'feel it in my leg.'"
"One hundred percent of what I know of Hawaii is from that Full House episode when Joey hallucinates a hot babe the whole time."
"That may be all you need to know."
"People in Hawaii seem like they would ask 'How are you?' and actually care about your response."
"They just want to invite you over for family dinner."
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